He made a device that would wait until the last human on earth was dead, then broadcast a special message on loudspeakers across the world.

The scratches on my hand keep reminding me, of what, I don't know.

I believe I am a figment of my own imagination.

I program myself like a machine, and then hate myself for being so easy to manipulate.

Yeah, this is why modesty doesn't scale.

How do I write this so I'll believe it after I've lost tonight's memories?

Innocence - what a rush!

Finally, after gliding through subterranean passageways for what seemed like hours, we moored our boat at a small dock set into the rock face. As we climbed the stairs, we could see the glow of a thousand little lights ahead.

Mercy mild not cutting it anymore? Try new extra astringent mercy for those tough karmic stains!

"Speed 3: Baby on Board" - Annie is settled down now, with a husband and a house in the suburbs. Life is good, but their new baby won't nap unless they take it driving, and then it wakes up as soon as they drop below 55 miles an hour. Hang on for edge of the seat family fun!

You say you know how I should live? The animal kingdom displays such an amazing variety of lifestyles; shouldn't we humans aspire to do no less?

The squirrels made me thirteen.

thanks: Caitlyn

She'd found the perfect outfit, now she just needed her plastic surgeon to fit her into it.

I hate you for what I am when I'm with you: honest.

How does it make me love it so?

The walls of the great chamber were carved with interlocking statues of plant and beast, climbing one on top of the next to the distant ceiling. Woven throughout was a seemingly infinite piping, decorated with golden scales. Only once we'd reached the center of the hall did this massive coil begin to shift, revealing the head of a giant serpent rising over the altar.

I came to savor those feelings of guilt, like time spent with an old friend.

You are my favorite mutation.

He's still missing her; that's what it must be. I mean, it couldn't be the complete lack of purpose in his life, right?

I listened to the sound of beach grass waving in the wind, and dug my toes deeper into the warm sand. The events of yesterday seemed a lifetime ago.

If I cast a bright enough light on my neighbor's hypocrisy, no one will see my own.

He knew death wasn't permanent. When he was a kid, he'd had a goldfish, Jimmy. One day, his parents scooped Jimmy out of the bowl and fried him up right then and there. They all ate Jimmy that night, but the next morning there he was, swimming around his bowl like nothing had happened. Good ol' Jimmy, I wonder what he's up to now?

I did what I knew you would want, even though you won't admit it. When you think you're hating me, you're actually hating yourself.

Who do I think I am, to talk to myself in such a tone?

Old ideas must die to make way for new ones.

Dumb people have rights too, you know!

I seek to live my life the way I'd like my biography to be written.

Oh, presentation is crucial! At the end of every meal, I arrange the leftovers just so, so the kitchen staff knows I care.

Watching the grass grow not exciting enough for you? Try betting on the outcome...

It looked and tasted just like tofu, but they explained proudly that it was soybean free - made entirely from bleached pork byproducts.